i cried when i failed my driving test

on failure, setbacks, and accepting your imperfections

as my family waved bye wishing good luck and giving me words of encouragement, i felt confident in taking my driving test.

a little too confident.

i had all my paperwork printed out and neatly organized in a folder. parallel parking? a breeze. reversing in a straight line? i could do that in my sleep! i felt i had complete control over the vehicle and expected to be handed my temporary license at the end of the test.

then came the road test.

after many shaky turns and jerking stops at the red light, my driving proctor told me i should go ahead and reschedule. blindly, i nodded in agreement as she explained my faults and what i should work on for next time.

i immediately felt my stomach lurch and experienced that uncomfortable sensation of my eyes heating up when i was stressed or nervous—something i couldn’t control.

control had left my body. i lost my sense of calm composure. i had no regulation of what came next—not my emotions, my reaction, or even the steering wheel.

all that was echoing in my head was ‘failure’ and ‘you’re not good enough.’

believe me, i know. it’s just a driving test. it’s not a medical licensure exam, a college entrance exam, or something along those lines that directly impact your future.

but to me, it was.

photo creds: pinterest

i wanted to prove to myself that i could do this. i had finished high school, got accepted into a university, and i felt this was the next accomplishment that would not only benefit me, but the people around me (thank you to my parents for being my personal chauffeurs all these years).

i thought i could count on myself to do this one simple thing.

turns out that even though you may have prepared for every possible situation (like having practiced parallel parking 100 times or having your driving application filled out weeks before), life will hand you something unexpected. every. time.

the answer isn’t perfection. of course, it is good to be prepared in most cases. but being over prepared like i was resulted in shaken nerves, anxiety, and an overall feeling of helplessness.

i think this feeling stems from the expectation that if everything is set up correctly, nothing should go wrong.

this invisible pressure is inevitably what breaks us down.

personally, i’m always the person who plans my day meticulously, skims the menu at a place i’ve been before, and even has my suitcase packed a week early. there is no changing who i am, and i’ve learned to make the best of it.

another setback occurred during the dreaded SATs.

what, like it’s hard?

during my sophomore and junior year of high school i was studying relentlessly for the SATs—specifically for the math portion.

photo creds: pinterest

after weeks of preparation, the day of the exam came. the results of the test nearly left me in the “depths of despair.”

three points.

that’s all it was.

i had scored three points lower than my target goal.

i knew i had no other choice but to retake it. because for me, there was no other option than to go to college.

naturally, the first thing i decided to do was rewatch Legally Blonde.

while rewatching the movie i focused more on Elle Woods’ setbacks, her doubts, and the people she surrounds herself with. i came to find many similarities between her journey and my own.

like Elle, i wandered into unknown territory when i began looking at universities to apply to.

we also shared a great support system. the girls she lived with weren’t just roommates—they were her family. just like they stood by Elle through her setbacks, my family stood by me when i scored under the mark.

so i retook the exam.

and i met my goal.

when i got home that day, i felt just like Elle when her LSAT score came in: the dedication, sleepless nights, and relentless effort finally paid off.

maybe Elle’s iconic line, “what, like it’s hard?” doesn’t mean that things aren’t difficult—they are.

but once you climb over that mountain of doubt, no matter how challenging it may seem, you come out on the other side a new person—someone who doesn’t let fear get in their way. someone like Elle.

photo creds: pinterest

i will continue to use her as my inspiration whenever i feel that urge to give up. she persevered, and she became the version of herself she didn’t even believe existed.

i just have to keep telling myself that not all experiences are good, but failure and setbacks are what make success all the more meaningful.

for me, Elle Woods’ drive and confidence has inspired me to remain steadfast during turmoil, and i hope you find what keeps you grounded in your life, too.

so yes, i’ll still keep vainly trying to control every aspect of my life. but i’ve learned that no matter how hard you prepare, how much you feel in control, failure is always a possibility.